Goal Setting and Motivation
Here we are ladies! It’s a New Year and there’s so much opportunity ahead. What I am noticing as we turn the page to a new chapter is hope. Hope for change and growth. There is still much outside of our control with the invasiveness of COVID, but we have shown ourselves that we are stronger than we realize and more resilient than we thought possible. We get to carry that growth and what we learned into this New Year with intentionality and thoughtfulness.
So, let’s take that new found intentionality and talk about goal setting. I am not a fan of New Year’s resolutions because they are not lifestyle changes that have staying power. They are goals that force you to throw your life into high gear without any adjustment period or humanity considered in the process. Instead, what I encourage my clients to do is choose one area of their life that they wish to see change in. I help them identify a word that is important for them, and what’s motivating them to make this change in the first place. This word could be peace, health, surrender, intention, solitude, release… no right or wrong to the word choice, just choose something that allows you to look out on the horizon for what you are working towards. As you make decisions daily, your decisions should be reflected in that word choice or value.
A few questions to ask yourself:
1. Is this change an internal desire that I have, or is it motivated by how I want to be perceived by others?
2. How long have I wanted to make this change?
3. What’s the narrative I am telling myself about how this goal will change my life?
4. What support do I need from my village and my own resources (time, money, rest) to make this happen?
5. Is this goal motivated by discomfort and/or a deficit?
6. What emotions are connected to my discomfort and/or my deficit?
7. What emotions do I hope to feel when this goal is accomplished?
8. What is a reasonable timeline for this goal to be completed?
9. How does this goal being completed align with who I want to be in my life on a broader scale? (Think your word of choice here.)
If your answer to question number one is how you are perceived by other people, STOP, recalibrate and choose another goal. How we are perceived by others does NOT have staying power ladies. I get it, society sells us the narrative that if we can just be thin enough, wealthy enough, fashionable enough… and on and on and on… THEN we will be happy. Ya’ll, you don’t just want to be happy, you want a content spirit. Contentment only comes from a goal that is pursued because your soul is telling you very clearly that a change needs to be made. Happiness is a fleeting moment that has no staying power, but contentment and peace are a way of life. They are a choice.
One of my favorite Authors Holly Whitaker has a section in her book that has a can f*ck with and a can’t f*ck with list. Let me tell you something you can’t f*ck with ladies, being driven by how others perceive you. It’s a waste of your time, it’s a waste of your purpose and it kills your soul. Part of this is because you are so focused on the outside world and getting answers from what you see others pursuing, that you don’t stop for long enough to consider what you need on the inside. Time spent in solitude is how the best goals are set — the goals that are worth your time, effort and energy. Goals that lead to a content spirit because you listened to yourself.
Ladies, you will always be the number one expert on you. Only you can know what your body and mind feel when you are alone. Only you can know if you feel contentment when you lay your head down to go to sleep. And I can tell you right now, if you are setting your goals to please the world, you are going to come up short of that goal every time. As you should, and I hope you do… because pursuing the world means the loss of yourself. And Sister, we cannot afford to lose you. We need you. Please, choose a goal that allows you to be more of you, not less. If you are struggling to motivate or need support and a system for your goal setting process, reach out and I can help you navigate this.