Why You Should Never Say Sorry for Crying

I have a love hate relationship with crying, but mostly, I love it. I love the release that it provides my body. It reminds me that I am a human being and I am alive. I cry for all sorts of reasons; sadness, fear, grief, anger, joy, laughter… the list could go on. Tears are part of my “check engine” light. They are my gauge that says, “hey girl, there’s something going on here.” Sometimes I like the ‘something’ going on, and sometimes not. More times than not, if the tears are attached to something that is uncomfortable, they usually sit in my throat for awhile before I let them roll. But when I let them roll, it is a sweet, sweet release.

I don’t know when tears became something to be ashamed of, but it feels like it’s been that way forever. There are a few things I know for sure:

1.We were created with the ability to cry.

2.Our tears are precious and authentic.

3.Tears unite us in our common humanity.

I’m a counselor, and I still apologize for crying. Sometimes I am even critical of myself for doing so when no one is around. Tears are not the end all be all for the state of your life. They are a moment of a day, when your body is saying, “I need this”. Holding it in just makes things worse, and the only person you are robbing of comfort is yourself. Our assumption is that our tears:

1.Are socially unacceptable.

2.Will make others uncomfortable.

3.Will show weakness.

4.Will never stop, if we let them start.

I know all of these assumptions, because I have had them myself. But I also know that tears are one of the most authentic ways that we connect with others and with ourselves. Crying gives way to a calm state unlike any other. You all know what I’m speaking of. The heavy cry that makes way for you to rest. Crying allows us to acknowledge the truth to our story; which parts of our story are causing pain and joy. Crying is permission to look at it, turn it over and do something about it. If that’s the case, then it seems to me that crying is truly one of the bravest things you can do.

Crying allows us to look at the deeper parts of ourselves. We can do more of what brings joyful tears to our eyes. We can change what is causing pain, or reach out for support from our community to hold us up when there is nothing we can change!

Just last week I was watching Wonder Woman, and I was tearing up from the empowerment I felt as I watched the strength of the women on screen. I turned to my husband through tears and said “Do you feel emotional, this feels so powerful to me?” My husband smiled gently and said “I don’t think I feel it the way you do sweet girl, but I love that you feel so connected to this. I love your sweet heart Jenna Marie.” This is one of the many reasons I married my husband.

I encourage you to surround yourself with people who are okay with every depth of your emotion, even your tears. Allow yourself to feel seen and accepted for those deep parts of self… and as Jen Hatmaker says, “for the love” stop apologizing for your tears.