The Hard Truth About Social Media: Part Two-Self Focus and Selfishness
We know that social media is embedded into our culture. We can use it for connecting, communicating, marketing, raising awareness or even current events and heartwarming stories. However, we also use it to express ourselves: our beliefs, thoughts, feelings, experiences, biases, judgments and on it goes. Ourselves is the plural for “Myself”. Notice both of the core parts of the word “Myself” are rooted in self-focus. The google dictionary defines self as “a person's essential being that distinguishes them from others, especially considered as the object of introspection or reflexive action”. In other words, the way we see ourselves and our instinctual behavior affects not only our beliefs, thoughts, feelings, experiences, biases, and judgments but our overall happiness with ourselves.
For the purposes of this article I will now refer to ourselves as “The Self”. Social media has added another tier to The Self. It is no longer just introspective or reflexive, but calculated. The Self considers what everyone else thinks, above authenticity. This tendency existed prior to social media, but social media is the match that lit the fire. Let’s play a game; I’ll tell you what The Self is really thinking, how The Self desires to be perceived on social media, and then of course how The Self feels in the aftermath of the post. Oh yes, there are three steps of self focus when it comes to posting on social media.
Actual Thought: I’m so bored at this dinner, I want to put a fork in my eye.
Social Media: [pic posted] “Most amazing night of my life!!!!! #awesome #besties #myfriendsarebetterthanyours”
After Math: I wonder why I’m not getting very many likes? Maybe I should have done the black and white filter? Yup, that’s it, my nose looks way too big with the hi-lo filter.
Actual Thought: I cannot believe I lost my job today. I’m so upset and scared. What am I going to do?
Social Media: [pic posted] “Onto bigger and better things #party #yolo #livingthelife”
After Math: I wonder if anyone bought that post. I’m so embarrassed. At least people are “liking” my photo [crying in bed]
Did you notice that every thought The Self has, whether authentic or calculated is ALL ABOUT THE SELF. How I look, what kind of job I have, what event I’m attending, who my friends are, how happy my kids are, how much money I’m making, how many amazing trips I’m taking…We digress. It is in our nature to about care what others think, and most well adjusted people do care. But obsessing over what others think torments us and warps the very nature of our OWN dreams, beliefs, desires and needs.
We manipulate how The Self appears on social media thereby affecting the authenticity of The Self as a whole. Not being truly connected to The Self can lead to overall dissatisfaction with our own lives. Too much focus on The Self can be maddening, not just for you, but for others. We recognize the inauthentic version of The Self in a friend from a mile away. When your friend asks you to take 10 pictures so they can get their hair just right. When they incessantly post pictures of their lives to make it seem like everything is perfect, but you know they have really been struggling. I know it would be unrealistic to post pictures of yourself saying you were bored at a dinner, or a picture of yourself crying in bed after losing a job. Instead, my challenge is to refocus The Self on authenticity. If you are not able to be authentic, then maybe it’s not the time to share with the world. Only spotlight true emotion. It’s not easy, and it may feel uncomfortable, but it gives way to healing and growth in ways you would not believe. Growth and healing are part of the journey to a content heart, but we can’t grow if we live in the shadow of The Self.
Thanks for stopping by! Jen